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What's my fax number?

A buddy of mine took the following call (from memory):

T: Thank you for calling Dell, this is [name deleted], may I have your service tag number, please?
C: . . .?
T: The service tag is a six character, alphanumeric code printed on a white, bar–coded sticker on the back of your computer.
C: . . .?
T: It is on the back of the box that everything plugs into. Not the monitor.
C: [Service tag deleted.]
T: How can I help you?
C: What is my fax number?
T: . . .?
C: Someone needs to send me a fax, but I don't know my fax number.
T: It's your phone number.
C: No, my computer has a fax modem. I need to receive a fax on it, not a phone call.
T: . . . !
[20 minutes of trying to explain the concept of fax and get a phone line plugged into both an active jack and the right jack on the modem.]
T: Thank you for calling Dell.
T: [to me] You wouldn't believe the call I just had.
[T relates call.]
Me: I would have just told her That service tag number you found . . . that's your fax number. Thank you for calling Dell. *click*

After that I always wanted to get that call, so I could say, with all the technical authority I could muster, six.

Oh, the irony.

Background:
iomega made the most popular proprietary removeable media drive of all time, the original (100MB) Zip drive. The Zip drive suffered from a malady called Click of Death. They denied the problem existed, to the point that a class–action lawsuit was filed.

The call:
Me: Thank you for calling Dell tech support, this is Peter, may I have your service tag number, please?
C: [Service tag deleted.]
Me: Okay, that's a Dimension for . . . iomega?
C: Yes.
Me: What can I do for you?
C: When I put a zip disk in the drive it goes *click* *click* *click* and won't read.
Me: [Quickly hit mute on my phone and belly–laugh.]
C: Are you there?
Me: Yes, may I put you on hold for a moment?
C: Ye[hold]
Me: Guys! Guys! I've got iomega on the line with a Zip drive with Click of Death. [More laughing.]
[I go back and set up his replacement drive.]

     <voice class=comicbookguy>

Best Call Ever

     </voice>

Background:
Dean was a good natured guy. I went through Dell tech support training with him. I sat next to him. I went drinking with him (once!). He was a nice guy, and sometimes people tried to take advantage of him.

The Call:
D: Thank you for calling Dell tech support, this is Dean, may I have your service tag number, please?
C: I don't have one.
D: Every Dell computer has a white bar–coded sticker with a five character alphanumeric code on the back.
C: I don't have one.
D: Are you at the computer?
C: Yes.
D: Could you just take a look at the back of the computer an see if you can find the tag?
C: [Shifty–crawly noises] Nope.
D: Are you looking at the monitor or the computer?
C: The computer.
D: Do you know what model it is?
C: It's a [some Compaq].
D: . . . ?
D: You're calling about a Compaq?
C: Yes.
D: You've reached Dell tech support.
C: I know.
D: . . . ?
C: My problem is [. . .]
D: I'm sorry, I can only help you with Dell computers.
C: Why?
D: . . . ?
D: You need to call Compaq for support on you Compaq system.
C: No. I want you to help me. I read that Dell has the best tech support.
D: . . . ?!
D: You have to call Compaq.
C: But I want Dell support.
D: You have to buy a dell to get the dell support.
C: . . . But you guys have the best support.
D: I'm going to hang up now.
*click*

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Original text and images Copyright 2003–2006 Peter Hutnick. All rights reserved.
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